Two Lost Souls Swimming in a Fish Bowl

I sit here with my ankle wrapped, iced and elevated above my heart as I am recovering from a motorcycle crash. Not only was I injured and taken to the emergency room for x-rays and a cat scan (all negative) but my motorcycle was damaged too. This all happened on Friday. On Monday I found out the wonderful news that neither I nor my motorcycle was covered by my insurance policy. Yes, it was disheartening to find out, overwhelming as I sobbed to the Lord. Thankfully my despair was not long embraced as The Lord has been taking this last year of heartache and sorrow to teach and temper me through trials and suffering.

You see one year ago there was an incident in the Central Florida Children’s Home that occurred between two of the residents (we were not on at the time). We believed that incident should have been reported to DCF, however, those in authority (Executive Director and President of the home) over us felt it should not be reported. In hindsight, I believe they would rather place the image of ministry over the safety of children, but I digress. We did acquiesce to their leadership based on promises going forward. Because of what the leadership promised and what they delivered in regards to this incident, we decided we would step down at the end of February from the home where we had served the last 3 years. Just on a side note, during the first 2 years we routinely only had 4 hours off a week. I add that to let you know how committed we were and how difficult this decision was for us. During our last week, there was another incident of a sexual nature that occurred between two of the residents. We reported it to DCF as the law clearly states. From here it gets good. We were relieved of our church and school duties immediately and told to go elsewhere for church, all under the guise of us taking a sabbatical. It was a leave of absence with the ultimatum of either being 100% loyal to the Senior Pastor and his ways or go elsewhere. That philosophy (100% loyalty) goes against the Bible (Romans 14 and 1 Corinthians 8). At the end of May, we were to have a meeting. The Senior Pastor did not want to meet and conducted the decision to let us go through text messaging. Sad, a 30-year friendship is ended in such a manner. By the way, it was not a legitimate offer since disparaging remarks were made in the “Pastoral Staff Meeting” and for the leadership to have us back would have them put egg on their face and that wasn’t going to happen (image of ministry).

So we lost our jobs, we lost where we lived; we lost our church and lost many of our “friends”. Had to find a place to live, had to find jobs and find a new school for our 11-year-old son. Oh, sadly our son has been hurt by the decision of the Senior Pastor and his treatment of all those involved. He doesn’t want anything to do with church and I understand the hurt he has been subjected to and the fact that favoritism was played. Matthew 18:6 But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.

We were in the dark. We had lost our way. What do you do when you are in the dark? What do you do when you have lost your way? You see many times Christianity talks in terms of winning, of success, of victory, of material blessings, yet there was only failure, despair, and despondency.

Maybe our thinking is wrong. Maybe God has brought us (or allowed us) to this place of darkness so that we will trust Him when it doesn't make sense. That our faith will be in only in Him and not in the right outcome that we want. Let's be honest it is easy to trust when all is good, but when it is bad can we trust Him? When we can't see the light and when all hope is lost will we trust God? Instead of doing, instead of searching maybe we need to sit still and know who God is in defeat and despair. He is the God of the victory but He is also God in defeat. He is God when it is good, but He is also God when it is bad. How long do we need to be defeated? I don’t know but I do see the faith and trust he is growing, purifying and perfecting in us. Maybe others need to watch you or I go through these difficulties and not lose faith even when we can't see God's hand or understand God's purpose in the failure and defeat we are experiencing at God’s hand.

For some reason, we think we should be immune to difficulties and darkness. That we should not have to struggle to find out what God is doing instead of trusting the one who made matter from nothing! I mean if God stood on nothing and reached out into nowhere and formed this universe, how is it that God has somehow misplaced you in defeat like you misplace your keys? What is He unaware of your situation and therefore you should pick up the slack for God? I think not.

Are we trusting in God? Is our faith truly in God or more in the results? Are we letting God teach us faith and trust or are we doing it all and seeing every physician under the sun?

How about this...God's got you where he wants you. That he needs to take you to faith school and this school occurs in the darkest of trials. It happens through suffering and defeat.

As my year of defeat and failure continues I feel like "Two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl..." as Pink Floyd so wonderfully sang in “Wish You Were Here” and that’s okay. Because I know God has me where He wants me and the trials and suffering are helping to perfect and mature my faith in Him.